A Woman's Guide To A Man's English
by Arsenic Snowflake
Summary: We think we know what a man says, but do we really? A man can say many things, and it could all mean something completely different. This is a guide to hopefully help you understand man talk.
1. Chapter 1

_**A Women's Guide To A Man's English**_

_**Lesson One:**_

_**He says.. "I'm hungry."**_

_**What he actually means is..he's hungry.**_

A world meeting. Sounds simple, right?

Apparently, it's not. Especially when you're sitting next to an idiot whose stomach continues to growl non-stop.

Kristin was so close to stabbing the point of her ink pen in his head as she wrote down notes on a pad of paper. Mathias seemed oblivious to the ominous aura that practically clung to the Norwegian as she applied more pressure on the paper so it would have small rips and holes in the middle of her sentences.

Before she could do anything rash, the meeting was dismissed for lunch. The other countries getting up from their seats and headed out the door; only Mathias stayed behind. Kristin turned to look at him with a curious glint in her snowflake blue orbs. "_Aren't you coming? I thought you were hungry."_

_"I am, but.."_

Oh no. Whenever a man said "but", it doesn't mean something good.

"_But..?"_

_"Can you get me some food, Norge~?"_ Kristin felt a vein pop in her head when she heard his request. What was she now? His slave?

"_You have two legs that work just fine, Denmark. Get your own damn food." _The Dane let out a loud groan as he laid his head down on the table. Kristin sighed and walked over to him, but then felt a pair of strong arms quickly wrap themselves around her waist and she suddenly pulled into the Dane's lap. The hungry Dane practically begged her with his aquamarine eyes.

"_Norge, please~? I'll pay you back.." _Kristin's left eye twitched, knowing that she couldn't deny him when he pulled that stupid kicked puppy face. Sighing heavily, she sat comfortably in his lap, loosly looping her arms around his shoulders.

"_Fine, fine. What do you want..?"_

The Dane said nothing for a while, gently letting his hands roam the Norwegian's slim body. He tried to think, but then looked up at Kristin's emotionless, pale face. "_What were you gonna get~?"_

Kristin simply shrugged. She didn't reguarly eat during lunch breaks at world meetings. Though, it wouldn't hurt to eat eventually instead of waiting until she got home to eat. Deciding to just get whatever she thought would please him-and hopefully, get him to leave her alone. "_I'll be back in a bit. Stay here."_

"_Where would I run to knowing that you're getting me food~?" _Denmark smirked in triumph as he playfully kissed her lips and let her go. Kristin glared at the other as she grabbed her wallet from her coat pocket and left the room.

When a man tells you he's hungry...he means it.


	2. Chapter 2

_**A Women's Guide To A Man's English.**_

_**Lesson Two:**_

_**"Do you want to go to a movie?" **_

_**"Can I take you out to dinner?" **_

_**"Can I call you sometime?" **_

_**"May I have this dance?"**_

_**What he actually means is, "I'd eventually like to have sex with you." **_

Although Denmark and Norway have been dating for centuries, the fact that he was constantly bugging her about going on dates annoyed her to no end. Really, what was the point of them dating at all if he was going to do nothing, besides ask her out on pointless dates that she knew he was only going to try to get into her skirt?

"_Norge?" _Speak of the Devil, there he was.

"_Hn..?"_ Kristin didn't tear her eyes away from a page in the book she was reading to stare at the Dane, who had a slight fairy dust of redness on his cheeks. Kristin sighed and waited for what she already knew was going to be his question.

"_Wanna go see a movie? We haven't been out in a while an-"_

_"No." _

Well, that was rather quick. Denmark sighed and walked over to the couch where the Norwegian was sitting and sat down besides her. Kristin tried to ignore the extra weight and continued to read...but she couldn't when the idiot was playing with random strands of her golden hair.

"_Why don't you ever want to go on dates with me, Norge?"_ Simple questions, simple answers, Norway thought in her head as she let out a long sigh. Closing the book she was ready because obviously, she wasn't going to be able to finish it as she planned and set it on the coffee table in front of her.

"_Because I know all you're thinking about is getting in my skirt, Denmark." _Mathias was taken back by what she said and frowned. Didn't she trust him enough to know that he wouldn't attempt it unless she let him?

"_C'mon Norge, just one date? I promise, I won't try to get into your skirt..unless you want me to-" _This earned him a slap. And a hard one at that.

The blushing Norwegian glared daggers at the Dane, who rubbed his cheek in pain and made a slight pouty face. Kristin looked at him and sighed. One little date won't hurt anything, right?

"_Okay, okay, fine. We can go to the movies. But don't expect any sex tonight." _

"_Good enough for me!" _The estatic Dane smirked as he placed a gentle kiss against her soft skin and hugged her tightly. Kristin struggled against the hug before Mathias finally let her go. Kristin didn't even have time to recover before she was abruptly pulled off the couch and out the door.

Note to self: Never agree to go on another date with Denmark again.


	3. Chapter 3

_**A Women's Guide To A Man's English.**_

_**Lesson Three:**_

_**"Nice dress!"**_

_**What he actually means is, "Nice cleavage!"**_

Denmark was an honest person when it came to how his life time partner looked. Whenever she wore baggy clothing, he complained that he couldn't see her curves that she gained quiet early in her adolescent years. Whenever she wore skin tight clothes, he complained that she was showing off her body too much and that he couldn't even get his hand into the front of her jeans.

It annoyed Norway to no end. She was a person to dress appropriately when the time came. She wasn't like the other women around school who just /loved/ to gain attention by using their body. She was a moderatly nice dresser.

Except when it came to dresses, Norway never approved of the dresses Mathias picked out. Was he trying to make her look like some whore fresh out of the brothel?

When the two countries got the invitation for some party, the first thing Denmark did was drag the Norwegian to the nearest dress store. Kristin honestly didn't want to go to the party, seeing as she wasn't a very social person, but Denmark wanted to bring her to at least one in their life-time. Not wishing to argue, she gave in and agreed.

Kristin wasn't the type to wear dresses, but when the time came, she did. She was gazing off into space as Mathias practically shoved a dress into her face, forcing her into the changing room (with plenty of protests, she might add). Kristin stripped of her clothing, neatly putting them on the bench that was inside and examined the dress. It was purple, spaghetti strapped, and looked rather tight and short.

"_C'mon Kristin! Put on the damn dress and let me see." _Sighing heavily, she didn't have time to argue, putting her hair up in a high pony tail so it tickled her upper back and put on the dress with slight issues. Not wishing to look at her self in the mirror in case she looked like some indecent women she knew. She swallowed whatever pride she had left and stepped out of the changing room.

Mathias, who wasn't even paying attention, heard the door of the room open and turned his head to look. When he saw his girlfriend, he gave a long dog whistle. Obviously stating he liked what he saw.

Kristin was in the dress, but she tried her best to keep the hem of the dress down so it was stretched to touch her lower thigh, but kept riding up, the tightness of the skirt showed off her flat stomach and curvy sides. Looking up a little more, he could see a perfect cleavage. Grinning, he gave a thumbs up, hopefully Kristin wouldn't notice him only staring at her chest.

"_Nice dress!" _Kristin blushed darkly and shot her sapphire blue eyes up to glare at the Dane, but noticed he wasn't even looking at her directly in the face; but at her chest instead. She looked down to stare at her chest and noticed that the dress showed off more of her chest than she really wanted and blushed even darker.

Instead of slapping Mathias like she should have, she went over to the rack of dresses and picked one that she thought was more.._**decent**_ and went into the changing room to change.

_Denmark's Note to Self: When staring at Norge's body while in a __**very **__sexual dress...don't look at her chest._


	4. Chapter 4

_**A Women's Guide to A Man's English.**_

_**Lesson Four:**_

_**"I love you, too." **_

_**What he actually means is, "Okay, I said it. We'd better have sex now!"**_

Once in a great while, when Norway is actually in a loving mood, will be the exact opposite of what the Dane is actually used too.

For starters, she'd practically jump into his lap, which startles him every time, but ignores it and wraps his arms around her petite waist. Because Norway is a loving mood, they'd start a brief make out session. Always short and sweet, never hard and sexual like Mathias wanted it.

However, despite all of that, there was one thing that he truly loved hearing come from the Norwegian's small mouth. Words that he would never be able to earn in a million years;

"_I love you.."_ Smirking softly, Denmark knew this game of cat and mouse rather well. Gently kissing her lips before sliding his lips against her skin, resting them gently against the brick of her neck.

"_I love you, too." _Whispering both sexually and sweetly. Unlike Kristin who didn't know what she was going to get into when those words escaped his lips, Mathias loved making Kristin putty in the palm of his hands. It was better than having her hit him every five seconds when he touched her.

Now that those words were out of the way; he expected a little something else in return. Without warning, he picked the love-struck blonde up in his arms and made his way to their bedroom.

Whether the blonde liked it or not, he was going to fuck her.

Which brings us to the lesson, when a man tells you he loves you, it only means he wants you. And, from Kristin's perspective..._**desperatly**_. Also, a man will never take no for an answer.


	5. Chapter 5

_**A Women's Guide to A Man's English:**_

_**Lesson Five.**_

_**When he says.."I'm bored."**_

_**What he actually means is.."Do you want to have sex?"**_

Denmark is the type of person to get bored quickly. When he does get bored, he either gets drunk at some bar with the other countries (mainly England and Prussia), or annoys the fuck out of Norway to get something out of her.

This particular day, Denmark was bored from just flipping through the channels on the tv and wondered where Norway was. Sure, it was early, but she was usually wide awake before he was. Sighing, he turned the tv off and went upstairs and into the bedroom that they both shared. Looking inside, there the Norwegian female was; curled up in the wad of blankets she had on her bed, sound asleep.

Smiling softly, he walked over to the sleeping princess and sat down on the edge of the bed. Kristin let out a small groan from the extra weight on her side of the bed, but simply brushed it off; going straight back to sleep. Mathias found it cute and leaned over to gently kiss her cheek, when he saw that Kristin didn't do anything, he smirked against her pale skin and started to kiss downward on her neck, sending chills up the Norwegian's spine.

Kristin let out another small whine, swatting away at whatever was annoying her like Mathias was a fly and went back to sleep. Mathias payed no mind to the swatting and just went back to smothering her neck in attention; sucking, nipping, kissing and then, finally-biting. Digging his canine teeth into her soft skin, enough to draw blood. Kristin finally woke up, although Denmark wasn't aware of it and quickly punched him straight in the face; Denmark fell to the floor on impact.

"_Denmark..? What time is it..?" _The little Norwegian female turned her body to stare at her lover, her eyes weak from bring tired, her voice soft and sweet.

"_Never mind what time it is~I'm bored, Krist."_ Although Kristin was still asleep mentally and physically, that didn't stop Mathias from getting into the blankets with the girl, hovering over her, he straddled her sides sensually. Kristin shuddered at the man's cold touch against her skin and tried to shove Denmark away; obviously not in the mood since she was too tired.

"_It's too early..maybe later."_

Later never meant later. Whenever Denmark tried to get her in the mood, she'd just whack him! It was best for him to take her while she was disoriented and weakened by her previous sleeping.

"_Too bad, Norge. I said I'm bored and you're just gonna have to live with it~"_

After that morning, Kristin made a mental note to _**always**_ lock the bedroom door to prevent Denmark from getting in and randomly deciding to have sex so early in the morning.

Mathias, on the other hand learned that no matter how tired Kristin was, she can still hit rather harshly.


	6. Chapter 6

_**A Women's Guide to A Man's English:**_

_**Lesson Six.**_

_**When he says.."You look tense..let me give you a massage."**_

_**What he actually means is.."I want to fondle you."**_

As everyone knows, Mathias is only allowed to touch Kristin when she approves of it. Sometimes, she hits him, other times, she doesn't. However, when you're backed up on your work and completely stressed out; you actually start craving the touch of your lover.

Mathias had walked in while Kristin was still working at her desk; paperwork piled in neat sections, a cup of steaming hot coffee and of course, Kristin at the actual desk, doing her work. Stopping every now and then to read over what the work said and rubbing the tiredness out of her eyes past her glasses. This wasn't easy work, true-but it had to get done somehow.

Sighing softly, he was thinking that she was working a little too hard and pushing herself too hard and walked up behind her; gently grabbing her shoulders. Norway was unexpected this and flinched away from his touch, but Denmark held her in place. Kristin turned her head to glare at the Dane, her eyes tired and practically closed though she drank large amounts of coffee.

"_What do you want..?" _

Denmark shrugged at her question. A small grin on his face as he kissed the top of her head. "_You just look tense, you've been working too hard. Just relax and let me give you a massage.." _Kristin seemed uncovinced, but she knew Mathias cared for her, so she agreed. Prying his hands off her shoulders, she took off her jacket; revealing a light blue tank top.

Although he promised he would stop staring at her chest, he couldn't help it. If he looked close enough, he could see her breast curvs past her bindings. Snapping back into reality, he gently grabbed Kristin's shoulders again, trying to as gently as he could to not hurt her as his long hard fingers rolled over her skin.

Kristin seemed to melt at the touch and lean back in her chair, closing her eyes with a slight happy smile on her face. Mathias saw that she had unknowingly let her guard down, grinning as he slowly moved his hands from her shoulders and to her chest. One hand grabbing one of her bounded breast, while the other slowly made it's way down into the front of her jeans.

Kristin quickly opened her eyes and tried to get the Dane off of her; but failed to due so since he was so much stronger than she was. Blushing darkly, she practically glared poison at him. "_When you said give a massage..I didn't agree to this."_

_"Hey, not my fault baby. You let yourself into this mess." _Kissing the top of her head again, he moved to her cheek, neck and shoulder before he planted an apologetic kiss to her pale lips. Even as they were kissing, Mathias didn't take his hand out of Kristin's jeans as he continued to fondle her. It didn't take much since she was so tired, but she still put up a hell of a fight.

Feeling that he tormented her enough right after she came, she fell asleep right in his arms. Mathias grinned and picked her up from her chair and carried her back to the bedroom. Laying her on the bed, he let her sleep.

When Kristin woke up a few hours later; all Hell broke loose and Denmark was forced to complete all her paper work.

Mathias sighed in annoyance, but agreed anyway. Luckily, he knew how to forge Kristin's neat cursive hand-writting.


	7. Chapter 7

_**A Women's Guide to A Man's English:**_

_**Lesson 7**_

_**When he says.."Let's talk."**_

_**What he actually means is.."I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me."**_

For as long as they've known each other, Kristin has told Mathias everything. They don't know how they managed to get so close within the last thousand years when they had such a rocky start. But, they never complained, they were happy that they've gotten close.

However, there are even some things that Kristin won't tell Mathias; like how she was raped by Sweden during the Sweden-Norway union, or how badly treated she was by the other children in her village because of who she was and what she was able of. All these years, she'd tell him anything.

Except those two.

Mathias knew that Kristin was holding back in telling him something, it was obvious. Her eyes just said she was, and it worried him. No matter how much it worried him, he never got the courage to ask what she was hiding.

Until one day, when Kristin was reading a book in the livingroom, he walked in and stared at her. Wondering what he was going to say and how. Sighing softly, he walked over to the couch that the Norwegian was sitting on and sat down besides her. Kristin noticed the Dane and looked up at him, an unpassive face like always.

"_Norge, we need to talk." _Kristin was curious on what he wanted to talk about until she marked the page in her book and put the book on the coffee table. Looking at him to say that her attention was fully on him.

Sighing, he gently grabbed her hands in his own, staring directly into her eyes. "_Listen, I know you've been hiding something from me, and if it's that personal, I won't make you tell me. But, I worry about you, and I want to make sure that you're alright." _

Kristin just sat there and listened. She never even knew that Mathias was curious on what she was hiding from him. She wanted to tell, but she didn't think he would be able to handle it as she at least nodded her head. Smiling, the Dane kissed the top of her head and left the room. Leaving the Norwegian to think.

After the Dane left, Kristin just sat there on the couch in wonder. She wanted to tell Mathias what was going on in her head, but she wondered if it was going to offend him or not. She did love him, but somethings are just better left unsaid.

o.o.o.o

**This is the last chapter. Sorry~I have too much school work to do and I have other stories I need to complete. ene;;**

**Hope you enjoyed and leave some love or hate for this, I don't really care 8D**

**READ AND REVIEW~!**


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